The 4 REASONS to NEVER live on a narrowboat!
With this in mind, this is my top four reasons to NEVER buy or live on a narrowboat – don’t say that I didn’t warn you!
Also, never buy Family Life on a Narrowboat – you’ll hate it…
1. The wildlife
I’ll level with you. If you hate nature then you’ll really hate a life on the canal! You simply can not escape it. Regularly you are going to bed at night with the owls hooting in the trees above us. Not only do you have the natter of these double jointed tree hole dwellers, but you also have the daily beggars at the side hatch – the opportunistic cheeky little quackers waiting for you to drop some food overboard.
Then there are the small piles of pieces of mussel shell, on the towpath, in certain places which you’ll moor. This is a clear sign that otters are in the neighbourhood, stealthily lurking about at night with their nocturnal prowess.
There are also the teasing kingfishers and herons which put you off correct and proper skippering as they dart or fly from place to place just in front of your bow. All whilst you’re trying to relaxingly cruise the inland waterways. Don’t get me started on the mob of tits that you’ll get when you turn out a couple of fat-balls in the winter on the towpath. They come in droves – especially the long-tailed tits.
Just like unwanted weeds – the wild rampant little buggers are everywhere!
2. The People
Just as rife as the wildlife are the people of the canal. Whether gongoozler, walker, dog owner, fellow boater or someone who just took a wrong turn onto the towpath and can’t find a way out – most will all want to talk!
The first is that you will get asked this question almost daily in the warmer months as people walk by. The second is that as soon as you get a group of boaters together the conversation will soon enough turn to the subject of toilets and the
Some these incessant talkers will want to ramble on about the ‘good old days’, some will let you know how fantastic their boat is and some will have dogs which they treat better than the fruit of their own loins.
Don’t even think about having ‘just a 10 minute walk along the canal’ as you may find yourself lost in action for hours.
I once invited a boater in for a brew at 3 pm and that was me, tied up (not literally of course – boaters are fruity, but not that kinky!), until
In a nutshell, if you can’t stand people, then a boating life is not for you as they can talk the hind legs off a donkey and will fall over themselves to help you when you need it…
3. The Money
Look, I’ll level with you again, but please, please, please do not share this with anyone! If you do then other boaters may have my guts for garters, and to be honest I’d rather keep them where they are! The ONE BIG SECRET that most boaters want to keep as a secret is that living on a boat is by far, WAY CHEAPER than living in a brick house!
If you think that money is the root of all evil and like living hand to mouth then don’t even consider buying a boat! A chap recently bought a cheap yoghurt pot – this is what us ‘proper boaters’ call those plastic cruiser type boats for £500. Oops, now I will have offended all you plastic tub dwellers – sorry- honest!
Anyway, after this bloke bought his boat and paid the small license fee to the Canal & River Trust, he was literally going to be saving upwards of a grand a month which would have otherwise gone to a landlord!
WHAT WAS HE THINKING! The poor begotten landlords of this country need the support of those who work every hour of the day to make sure that they have a pension and security in their dwindling years. How unthoughtful of him to deprive someone like this. Won’t anyone think of the poor landlords?
Each month, as a family, we could be saving about £850, which is over £10,000 a year – How obscene is that…
4. The kids
Who wants to have relaxed kids who know how to play in the woods, who can entertain themselves for hours and can make a stick from the hedgerows, into anything with the power of their imagination?
NO! Kids today should be ignored as we push them around the supermarket as we catch up with our emails or covetously lust over Julio’s latest post on social media of what he last had to eat! This stuff is important you know!
Why the hell should we buy a boat to live more cheaply so that we can have more money and work less, only to have more time to spend with the little blighters?
No, if you feel that kids are best plopped in front of a screen until their eyes and waistband bulge, rather than being out on the towpath getting filthy and annoyingly having fun, then – boat life certainly is not for you or your family…
Time to come clean…
You’ve probably guessed by now that I have pretty much had my tongue firmly wedged into my cheek whilst writing this!
Looking back on what’s coming up to our first two years afloat, I have to admit, I am completely smitten – head over heels in love with our life on the canal.
The waking up in the morning to ducks or swans outside the side hatch, the going to bed with the owls calling outside, the chats on the towpath with fellow boaters, gongoozlers and walkers, the extra money at the end of the month and watching Bobby and Fleur grow day by day – I would have it no other way!
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